He is an Outstanding Father

Yesterday I caught a glimpse of my husband, who had climbed to the top of the monkey bars, and had our little daughter sitting on his lap. They sat for a while....maybe laughing, maybe talking...I overheard something about a kitty and crocodile.

He is indeed an amazing father, and it is a joy to witness, from a distance, their relationship. It is theirs alone. He adores her, and she him. I feel truly blessed to have this man in my life, as my partner, and as their father.

As he worked on the painting of the trim in the living room yesterday, he had Elias join him. Together they worked, side by side...sanding wood and scraping paint with SHARP scrapers. Elias wants to be just like his daddy. He was not happy when he was not alowed at the top of the ladder, to peform more "work." He watches everyhting his father does, and mimics the behavior. Including swatting me on the behind yestrday and telling me something about being a good woman...somthing his father had done a few minutes prior.

He is a good man...my husband. I am so grateful to have him in my life.

Joy is a choice!

Every Child is an artist
The problem is to remain
an artist once you grow up - Pablo Picaso

I pray today for the strength to be open and alive to all experiences in my life.

It has been my very nature for so many years to hide myself from others. Hide my thoughts, hide my actions, hide the inside of who I am. But, I feel a change coming from inside.

As I change my thoughts, my inner dialogue, I become more open to sharing with others. I don't feel the panic and the shame of living in a dark place where I am alone.

I want to celebrate my inner child, my inner artist. I want to give that "self" to my children to thoroughly celebrate their little beings and their childhood. I want to let them be children and not force them to be something they are not.

This is hard to do for me. I was not ever really allowed to be a child while I was growing up. I was, for the most part, expected to be a tiny adult for as long as I can remember. I can't put my finger on very much joy from my childhood. Pain comes to my mind, before joy.

And, because I cannot go back and change the past, all I have today, is this day. I can make a difference for my children. We can break the cycle together.

It is a lovely Saturday. In an hour we are off to ballet. My beautiful daughter adores this class, this time to be a little girl, dressed head to toe in her favorite color and amongst other little girly girls. While I don't relate to the ballet or the sea of light pink and the excitement of dancing to Beauty and the Beast, I do relate to the beaming smile she has when the class is over. Her smile brings joy.

Mr. E. has soccer today. It will be the first game of the season that his daddy gets to come and watch. I wish it wasn't going to be in the 90's today. He's not much a fan of the heat. I pray for the strength to let go of my fierce and fiery competitive nature, and let E have his own soccer experience. I pray for the ability to let go of my intensity, for it is mine and does not belong to him. I pray that when he leaves that field, whether he kicks the ball during the gamer or not, that he looks up into my eyes and says, like he did last night before he went to bed, "Mommy, I love soccer!"

Today is a great day. My family will be together. All four of us, together, celebrating this chance to be....a lovely family.

And I thank God for this opportunity. It is truly a gift. Today I choose joy. The joy of being a mother, the joy of being a wife, the joy of being a child of God and here in this life to share this journey with the people I meet.

A Rededication to Fitness and Diet

I am elated that I have gotten in cahoots with Johnny D and Crossfit Pasadena. After that last injury, all of my own doing, and maybe related to some misguided programming, it became apparent that I need some leadership. I needed a local Box where I can train on my lunch break. Lucky for me...dreams do come true. I am going back today for my second WOD with Johnny. I'm hoping my low back can tolerate the burpees. Time will tell. I'll report my stats after the WOD.

Also, I'm going to try to be more accountable with my diet. Earlier this year I lost 11 pounds while eating in a "zone" ish manner. Eyeballing portions and cutting out high glycemic carbs. I always keep a little bit of brown rice and dairy in my diet....mainly cheese and yogurt. I will lay off the sugar and see where those results take me.

My biggest demons: Pinkberry and Coffee Mate.

Today's breakfast: 1 apple, 1 string cheese, 2 strawberries. Wish I had some almonds, but I'm out.



For time:

15 Burpees
15 KB Push Jerk - Right Hand
15 Burpees
15 KB Push Jerk - Left Hand
15 Lat Pull Down 60% of BW

Rest 3 minutes

10 Burpees
10 KB Push Jerk - Right Hand
10 Burpees
10 KB Push Jerk - Left Hand
10 Lat Pull Down 60% of BW

Rest 2 minutes

5 Burpees
5 KB Push Jerk - Right Hand
5 Burpees
5 KB Push Jerk - Left Hand
5 Lat Pull Down 60% of BW

Post time, KB load, Lat Pull load, and thoughts to comments

Guns

So, it was another one of "those" days! As I was dropping E & C of at school, I was approached by E's teacher, and she requested a minute of my time. My mind immediately goes to "Dear heaven's what has he done now?" mode.

The latest offense against humanity......E is forming a gun with his thumb and index finger and apparently "shooting" at children in the preschool.

Now, this teacher knows that we allow him to play with guns at home. She is just asking for us to support her and talk to E about not making a pretend gun with his fingers. Because, guns are not safe, and we don't want children to feel unsafe at school.

Dear me....I must bite my tongue.........

In my opinion, if there is a child that is going to be detrimentally harmed by my child pointing his finger at them, then they are really in for a rude awakening when they make it out into the real world.

Yes, I will talk to E, Jeffrey will talk to E. I already do take his guns away if I catch him pointing them at people or animals. Jeffrey repeatedly talks to E about gun safety.....there are something like 4 rules......I think one of them is never let the muzzle cover anything you are not willing to shoot.......I can't specifically remember the others......but make no mistake:

All real weapons are locked up at our house. E will possibly be allowed to shoot a bb gun (at a target (inanimate) in Ohio on his grandpa's farm this October.....wearing goggles, and completely supervised by his father. We will raise him to respect guns, and utilize them in safe conditions.

After said incident at school.....I desperately wanted to purchase every single GI Joe toy at Target and let E take them to school for share day.......Alas.....I must show some restraint......I might not like it.....but that's what I will do.

It probably doesn't help the matter much that I bought E his first holster with 2 cowboy pistols over the weekend.

Thoughts about my boy!

Elias’ teacher asked me to stay and chat with her this morning. She asked, is everything ok at home? My response, better than it ever has been. She said Elias is being overly silly and disruptive this week. They have done away with the class’ regular structure, for more summer fun…little dude needs structure and boundaries…….anyway, you know what the difference is now then it was when I was drinking. Now I think…..he’s not a bad kid, and it’s their job to create an environment that works for Eli……he’s not biting or hitting or yelling or name calling…..the kid is just silly. I am able to keep things in perspective a bit more these days!!! What a blessing. I told her that I would talk to him about listening…..and not being too silly……I know I have years of this very same conversation ahead of me. It’s who he is…sweet and silly…..I like him that way. I say, if you are ever having a bad day, you would be so lucky to have a friend like Elias, because he will lift your spirit in no time flat, and make you laugh and feel loved.

Reflections From Mud Run

So...back in January when Mud Run went on sale...or maybe it was December...I was totally amped to run Mud Run in 2009. I had grand aspirations of training hard for the race...honestly ...I did. But, things happen, life happens, and the training never really materialized.

I can honestly say that with the exception of Crossfit WODs where 200, 400 or 800 meter sprints are involved, and two other runs ((1) 5k on Thanksgiving, and (1) 4.4 mile run on Easter)I did not prepare for the mud run in any way shape or form.

My ego was really messing with me. The entire week before the race I thought about pulling out, about not going down for the race. You see, I'm kind of competitive, and I don't like to get beat on the course....actually I don't really like to get beat anywhere, anytime...so my head said...don't go!

In the end, there were other people counting on me to make the trip down, and while I can rain on my own parade, I can't screw over other people with my issues. So I decided to go. I left my ego in Monrovia, and decided to have a good time.

On the way there were a few surprises. I made a new friend or two, and they have their own Crossfit Affiliate....now those are cool friends to have! Someday I'm going to go down and hang with them at their place for fun...maybe learn a little bit about muscle ups---hear they are superb at teaching the muscle up!

As for the course...being in the chute before the race began was cool...rubbing elbows with other excited racers. Star Spangled Banner brought goosebumps and tears. I loved the guy in front of us waving his own American Flag...he carried it on the run, although he was way faster than me, so I have no idea if he carried it across the lake or not! Mile 1 was fast and fun. Mile 2 was where my head started messing with me.....by body was like screw you!!!, but I kept going. Mile 3 and 4....hill climb all the way...let my girls go ahead without me...kept a comfortable pace for me and stayed really focused. I think that course is really daunting because you can see the hill go on and on for what seems to be forever....very menacing!!

Once I got to the top, I knew I would love the rest of the race....downhill was hard on my legs...easy on my lungs. Mud pits were stinky. Wall climbs were awesome. The lake crossing is my favorite. Slippery hill almost made my calves cramp...final mud pit chewed up my knees a bit.....but I scooted through the tunnel like a pro.

So glad I pushed through my mental stuff, because I had a great time. In the last half mile I spotted Kelli.....that was so cool to cherr for her in her boots and Utes.......got me out of myself.

In the end I had a time of 1:20:07.....not too shabby for a girl who was running for the third time this year......

I think I owe a lot to Crossfit....that program gives me strength. I kind of thought...wow...imagine if I actually trained, and by trained I mean ran.....I might be pretty good.

And that's pretty cool!!

Tabata's The Way To Start The Day!

Boy do I love me some Tabata! To keep it simple, Tabata is 8 rounds of an exercise....like push-ups and each round consists of 20 seconds of work followed by 10 seconds of rest. In essence the workout was only 20 minutes in it's entirety...but it was a kicker!! 5 stations: Rowing, push-ups, box jumps, kettle bell swings, and wall ball sit ups. Of all the exercises...the push ups (chest to floor) were undoubtedly the most grueling. So glad I had some Starbucks oatmeal before the WOD.....needed the fuel!

Today was also AYSO sign -ups for fall soccer. I am so excited for Eli to play, and I just couldn't help thinking to myself....he is so grown up!!! Much more a boy than a little boy. I came home and gave him his free t-shirt, and he informed me that it was not right! There was no number on the back. He is jonesing a uniform and please, please let him end up on a red team!!

The rest of the day has been consumed by domestic diva type stuff. So much fun!! I had a ham bone and a chicken carcass, so I threw them in a stock pot to make a tasty base for soup. Since it's such a cloudy day...soup sounds amazing. The soup may be one of my best ever....ham and turkey with white bean, tomato, zucchini and celery.

I also baked 2 trays of 7 layer bars. In my opinion, the 7 layer bar is the finest "cookie" on the planet. My mother in law sends them every year for Christmas. OK...seriously...they are the easiest thing in the cookie world to throw together....haven't tasted them yet.....but I'm hoping they come out of the pan nicely.

I have a baking commitment every Sunday for a meeting I attend. And, I must say it's been really fun so far to "get my bake on". So far I have rolled out chocolate chip walnut, peanut butter with peanut butter chips and now the 7 layer bars. Who knows what it will be next week???

We might go out to dinner tonight...kids want Pinkberry...but then they always want Pinkberry, and quite frankly, I agree with them.