Warning!! A peek inside my mind might be scattered. I've gotten used to it. Actually I kind if like it!
Today started out with a trip to Trader Joe's for some shopping. The weekend trip to Big Bear really threw me for a loop with my diet. It was more like a cheat weekend that flowed into Thursday, filled with more carbs than I care to explain in any detail, and there was sugar and fatty goodness thrown in to boot.
Nevertheless, today I am on a mission to get back on a zonish eating plan. Zonish, because I'm just not as strict or dedicated as all you Paleo Zoners out there....I give you mad props....but I've got too much going on in my life right now to risk being edgy and irritable from diet restriction. I'm not judging anyone elses experiences form eating Paleo Zone.....I just know that when I eliminate all grains and dairy from my diet, I turn into a grouchy female dog......and my kids and a few select "others" don't need that in their life right now.
I changed up my breakfast regimen, and it was awesome. I just couldn't hack another protein oatmeal bowl, so I went for egg whites, soy bacon (A rather odd, and strangely red concoction!!), a corn tortilla and 1 tbsp of spicy humus, with a couple of shakes of Tapatio--ole!). It was heaven, oh and I threw in about a half a cup of blackberries for good measure!!
I just polished off my lunch....which rocked! About a half a cup of brown rice, half a cup of shrimp, a cup of broccoli and asparagus, and a few "flavor balls" and onions out of the Trader Joe's fire roasted balsamic vegetable frozen blend (to die for if you haven't tried it, but contains carrots for all you high glycemic veggie haters!)
Anyway.....I see a cheese stick/apple/almond snack in my future and a veggie chicken dinner.
For me, that's pretty much back on track.
I missed out on a whole week of Crossfit, which totally blows, but the Big Bear trip was awesome and totally worth it....and life has been hectic since I got back with escrow papers, and banking, and working with my sponsor....so I've been "taking care of business" and next week I'll be back in CF action. One of my co-workers said, "Jess, if you don't work out for a week, it's not going to kill you!"
Of course he is absolutely right, but when I read the Academy blog, and lots of my friends are making huge gains in their training, and I am absent, it makes me feel left out and some how not connected ( but I'm stoked for all y'all !)......I want to accomplish things alongside my friends......next week I say!!!!!
My boy has been saying some funny stuff this week.....most notably, "Are you thinkin what I'm thinkin?" Followed by...."That's silly right?" and last night there was his proclamation that he can speak Spanish followed up with, "No Problema!"
I believe I also heard him singing..."If you don't, I don't care, I'll pull down your underwear!" Oh my, how some things haven't changed since I was a kid.
And what else???? Little baby girl is really going through some willful period right now, with many temper tantrums that include kicking......it will pass. She's pretty hard core when it comes to not giving in.......wonder where she gets that from?????
The week has been amazing! I feel blessed and hopeful and loved. I feel strong in mind and in body. What more can you ask for? I'm thinking not much!!
The other night, while sitting together in the living room as a family, my 4 year old boy blurted out of nowhere, "Jesus died on a board, then he was buried." This statement surprised me. Alas, it did not end there, and was surely followed with, "And then what happened mommy?"
My first reaction was to look at his father's face, perhaps thinking I might see his jaw on the floor. This was not the case. Daddy has a knack for taking things in at face value and not reading too much into them. Bless him for his simplicity!
And so I feel that I am at a Crossroads, where I need to begin educating my children about spirituality....and for me, I feel comfortable teaching them these concepts through religion.
I immediately knew why he has proclaimed that Jesus had died. You see, we had an opportunity to visit a Catholic church for mass last week, and there on the walls right next to our pew, were several religious paintings depicting the Crucifixion. My boy is a very curious creature, and has a love for all things dark and morbid (his favorite movie is Nightmare Before Christmas, and frequently begs to rent horror films like The Mummy). Do not be alarmed...we do not let him watch horror movies, but if he could, he would.
As of late, this little man is contemplating death frequently. He does not appear to be frightened by death, mostly curious. It may have started as innocently as , please do not step on the rollypolly, you will squish him and he will die. Or, please do not pull the flowers off of the plants, they will die. We have also been watching The Crocodile Hunter, and so he sees animals eating other animals and "skeleton bones" as he calls them. There are times when he may ask, "do people die, do babies die, do daddy's die?"
These questions deserve an answer, and I strive to be honest with my children at all times without providing information that may frighten them. My beautiful boy, trying to wrap his head around living and dying....so it brings me back to spirituality and religion...
It is important to me that my children know that there is a greater force working in the world, that they do not need to be frightened, because they are never alone. I want them to believe in God and trust that God is with them, in their little hearts...always....that the world is an imperfect place, but that God's love is perfect if they carry him on their journey.
And well, then there's the topic of religion.......so my boy's question...."And then what happened?" I don't feel equipped to explain the Resurrection of Jesus to my child.
I spent most of my life having no faith at all in the concept of a higher power, but am easily comforted by the possibility that this is not true. I have grabbed on to God.....to Christianity, like a life preserver in a stormy sea....
I'm thinking sooner rather than later you will find us back at All Saints on Sundays. I have the utmost faith that their children's ministry can answer my boy's most burning question to date....."and then what happened?"
I am starting to learn that if I stop fighting, protesting and arguing with the world that I am more capable of seeing and feeling things as they really are. For years, my self-will and self centeredness has reduced my perspective to a very narrow and painful pea hole full of pain and anger that always leads to misery. What a release it has been, to let go. In letting go, I am free. I hear other people, not only hear them, but process theirexperience. Sometimes, processing their experiences is painful, because I have played a part in causing pain, or doubt, or frustration. However, if I set the fighting aside, I am blessed with the opportunity to speak my truth. There is so much freedom in my truth. For this moment, my heart is at peace, and my head is quiet....and for me, this is a glorious release!!
I'm a mother, a wife, a daughter, and friend on a journey to find my greater purpose in this world. I'm an athlete who loves rigorous and spontaneous challenges that push me to my limits. If I meet you along the way...it's a pleasure and an honor!!