Every Child is an artist
The problem is to remain
an artist once you grow up - Pablo Picaso
I pray today for the strength to be open and alive to all experiences in my life.
It has been my very nature for so many years to hide myself from others. Hide my thoughts, hide my actions, hide the inside of who I am. But, I feel a change coming from inside.
As I change my thoughts, my inner dialogue, I become more open to sharing with others. I don't feel the panic and the shame of living in a dark place where I am alone.
I want to celebrate my inner child, my inner artist. I want to give that "self" to my children to thoroughly celebrate their little beings and their childhood. I want to let them be children and not force them to be something they are not.
This is hard to do for me. I was not ever really allowed to be a child while I was growing up. I was, for the most part, expected to be a tiny adult for as long as I can remember. I can't put my finger on very much joy from my childhood. Pain comes to my mind, before joy.
And, because I cannot go back and change the past, all I have today, is this day. I can make a difference for my children. We can break the cycle together.
It is a lovely Saturday. In an hour we are off to ballet. My beautiful daughter adores this class, this time to be a little girl, dressed head to toe in her favorite color and amongst other little girly girls. While I don't relate to the ballet or the sea of light pink and the excitement of dancing to Beauty and the Beast, I do relate to the beaming smile she has when the class is over. Her smile brings joy.
Mr. E. has soccer today. It will be the first game of the season that his daddy gets to come and watch. I wish it wasn't going to be in the 90's today. He's not much a fan of the heat. I pray for the strength to let go of my fierce and fiery competitive nature, and let E have his own soccer experience. I pray for the ability to let go of my intensity, for it is mine and does not belong to him. I pray that when he leaves that field, whether he kicks the ball during the gamer or not, that he looks up into my eyes and says, like he did last night before he went to bed, "Mommy, I love soccer!"
Today is a great day. My family will be together. All four of us, together, celebrating this chance to be....a lovely family.
And I thank God for this opportunity. It is truly a gift. Today I choose joy. The joy of being a mother, the joy of being a wife, the joy of being a child of God and here in this life to share this journey with the people I meet.
The unfurling of spring
3 years ago